S02E04 - The Lady

No: 12  |   Season: 2   Episode: 4  |   Air Date: 3-May-15  

It says here on your resume that from 2010 to 2011 you "crushed it"?
It says here on your resume that from 2010 to 2011 you "crushed it"?


Pied Piper begins interviewing new people to hire. The two most notable candidates are Jared Patakian, an eccentric man who labels himself as a cyborg, and Carla Walton, a friend of Dinesh and Gilfoyle. With the introduction of Jared Patakian, Jared Dunn is renamed "Other Jared", which is often shortened to "OJ". Other Jared hires Carla, awkwardly tries to explain that it's better to hire her because she's a woman, and tries to enforce company human resources policies. Erlich discourages Richard from hiring Jared Patakian because he chose a different job just as Erlich was about to hire him at Aviato, and Carla tortures Gilfoyle and Dinesh by making them think she makes way more money than them. Additionally, Pied Piper has a meeting of the Board of Directors at Hanneman's house. Hanneman gives his girlfriend a seat on the board, and Erlich turns against Richard to vote to order $30,000 worth of merchandise. Later, Richard decides to hire Jared despite Erlich's disapproval, but quickly finds out that Patakian has done the exact same thing to him as Patakian did to Erlich. Simultaneously, Belson promotes Big Head to be Co-head Dreamer on the Hooli XYZ project with the intention of making him seem like the primary force behind Pied Piper, and thus evidence for his lawsuit. Big Head is given a massive office and an assistant, but suspiciously no responsibilities, while Davis Bannercheck, a pioneer of robotics, is named the other Co-head Dreamer and leads operations at the lab.

Director and Writers

Director: Alec Berg
Written by: Carson Mell


Richard: It says here on your resume that from 2010 to 2011 you "crushed it"?
Applicant: That's actually an old resume. It should also read that I crushed it from 2013 to present.
Jared: So are we to understand that you did not "crush it" in 2012?
Applicant: There was a medical situation preventing me from crushing it to my usual standards. So I had to take some time off until I was able to crush it at 100%, at which point I resumed crushing it full-time.

Gavin: I give you Dr. Bannerchek, the one and only man fit to be the first head dreamer of Hooli XYZ. Also I give you the one and only man fit to be his co-head dreamer, our very own Nelson Bighetti, otherwise known around here as "Baghead". Come on up here, Baghead.

Jared: It's like we're the Beatles and now we just need Yoko.
Dinesh: That's the worst example you could have used.

Erlich: You see this, Richard? What is this?
Richard: A spoon?
Erlich: It's a wide spoon. In fact, the only spoon type that is left in this drawer. I specifically posted a note on the refrigerator saying that the more narrow spoons be reserved for the eating for Fage yogurt by me.

Russ: Know what has three commas in it, Richard?
Richard: Uh, a sentence with two appositive phrases in it?
Russ: No, a billion dollars.

Russ: I think we need to talk about getting some shwaaaaaaaaag.
Richard: What?

Jared: I mean, we're all cool here, but we know each other. So obviously, when Dinesh calls me retarded Frankenstein, or he describes me as AIDS lady, or Gilfoyle refers to me as effeminate K.D.Lang, I know this is a joke among friends.
Dinesh: It's not a joke.
Gilfoyle: We're not friends.

Jian-Yang: Erlich, he started crying in Taco Bell. He tried to blame the taco sauce.

Erlich: This morning, you put your soda cans in the green one. Okay? That's not right. The green is for grass and leaves. Okay? The blue one is for recycling. Go ahead and put those in there. (Jian-Yang puts the cans in the blue bin) Yeah. Very good. The black one is for all other trash. Do you understand?
Jian-Yang: Yes. Which is for burning?
Erlich: No, we don't burn trash in this country. It's illegal. You never burn trash. Okay, can you say that? "I never burn trash."
Jian-Yang: I never burn trash.
Erlich: Yes.
Jian-Yang: What about garbage?
Erlich: Motherfucker.

Jared: My only concern here, and it's a small one, um, he's also named Jared. Will it be confusing with two Jareds? If we hire him, I can always go back to my real name Donald.
Gilfoyle: No, that's too big a hassle. We'll just go with "other Jared." OJ, for short.
Jared: I know a name is just a sound somebody makes when they need you, but shouldn't this much-newer Jared be "other Jared"?
Gilfoyle: You should be flattered. OJ Simpson is one of the most recognizable people on the face of the planet.

Erlich: I am going to have to err on the side of caution and say "Pass-adena," Trina.

Erlich: I must get dings, right?
Richard: Dings?
Erlich: Like in a jury or "Whose Line Is It Anyway?"

Gavin Belson: What is a moonshot? A moonshot is an idea so big, so bold, as to be impossible until it is not.

Carla: I'm not a woman engineer. I'm an engineer.

Carla: I have a question. My best friend's nickname is C*nty.
Jared: I'm sorry, her name is - C*nty.
Carla: And I was hoping I could call her C*nty while I'm here.
Jared: Okay, that one's easy. No, you cannot.
Carla: 'Cause, you know, I want to have C*nty come visit me for lunch, and if I can't call C*nty "C*nty," then it's like, I'm not going to want to have C*nty over at all, which I feel like kind of violates my rights
Jared: Yeah, um, it does not.
Carla: ...as a woman.
Jared: Okay, I'm going to have to get back to you on that one.
Gilfoyle: Her best friend's nickname is C*nty.


"Stretch Your Face" by Tobacco (Opening title music)

"I Don't Need A Reason" by Dizzee Rascal (End-credits music.)

Notes and Trivia

Charlie Saxton, who plays the "Crushing Applicant," played a member of a small tech startup on "Betas," one of the first Amazon Prime original programs.

A website for the fictitious "Hooli XYZ" actually exists on the web. (www.hooli.xyz) It features an image of Bighead. Also, in a weird twist, when Google released their web page for the "Alphabet" initiative (abc.xyz), they also included a hidden link to the Hooli page, causing people to feel that Google was admitting that they were actually "Hooli".






StarringThomas MiddleditchRichard Hendricks
StarringT.J. MillerErlich Bachman
StarringJosh BrenerNelson 'Big Head' Bighetti
StarringMartin StarrBertram Gilfoyle
StarringKumail NanjianiDinesh Chugtai
StarringAmanda CrewMonica
StarringZach WoodsDonald 'Jared' Dunn
StarringMatt RossGavin Belson
StarringSuzanne CryerLaurie Bream (credit only)
StarringJimmy O. YangJian Yang
Guest StarringChris DiamantopoulosRuss Hanneman
Guest StarringPatrick FischlerDr. Davis Bannercheck
Guest StarringCharlie SaxtonCrushing Applicant
Guest StarringGabriel TigermanGary Irving
Guest StarringAlice WetterlundCarla Walton
Co-StarringJill E. AlexanderPatrice (as Jill Alexander)
Co-StarringJulia ChoJunie
Co-StarringJessie CohenHostess
Co-StarringDwayne ColbertApplicant #2
Co-StarringKsenia LaurenNastia
Co-StarringJeff StaronApplicant #1
Co-StarringMaverick ThompsonAspen