S03E04 - Maleant Data Systems Solutions

No: 22  |   Season: 3   Episode: 4  |   Air Date: 15-May-16  

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I've also been writing bullshit code for 48 hours... and want you to kill yourself.

Summary

When forced to complete the "box" the guys try to "phone it in". However, they wind up making the final product way better than anyone imagined. Meanwhile, Erlich discovers his competition is Bighead, who has invested his 20 million Hooli payout by purchasing a very large house and turning it into a hacker hostel. Erlich quickly jumps on the bandwagon and forms a partnership with Bighead. At Hooli, Gavin Belson buys "Endframe" and decides to put the Nucleus project back on the rails. In doing so, he has re-hired many of the engineers he had just fired... however he is oblivious to this fact. Finally, at a board meeting where Pied Piper's direction is being decided, Monica decides to take a stand, which turns out to be the correct decision. As a result, Jack Barker is fired.

Director and Writers

Director: Charlie McDowell
Written by: Donick Cary

Quotes

Jack: Compromise is the shared hypotenuse of the conjoined triangles of success.

Gilfoyle: That was pretty badass Richard... until it wasn't.

Gilfoyle: I've been writing sub-par code for 48 hours and I want to kill myself. How do you do it every day Dinesh?
Dinesh: I've also been writing bullshit code for 48 hours... and want you to kill yourself.

Jared: Oh, uh, while I have you, there were fresh droppings near my cot. I think you were right. The Havahart traps don't seem to be working. I was thinking maybe we could just pick a day and just drench it in hawk urine, because the scent of a predator can keep rodents at bay. It's funny, we're named Pied Piper, but we're beset with rats. Little rascals.

Dang: Before I can actualize a box, you and I need to develop a shared aesthetic vocabulary. Otherwise, I have no idea what you're going to want.

Dang: Let's just make this simple. If the box were an animal, what sort of animal would it be? Leopard? Butterfly? Rhinoceros?
Richard: Stop. Animal? Um, it's a box. Right? Okay, so if you need an animal, make it a box turtle.

Gilfoyle: I tried to make it slow. I really did. But I'm not Dinesh. It's very difficult for me to do shitty work.

Dinesh: Just cause making the box sucks doesn't mean we have to suck at making it.

Erlich: Fucking "Miami Vice". Disgusting architecture!

Erlich: Yes, it would be polite for you to invite me into your home and offer me a Push Pop.

Jared: Look what you guys built. You can't help but be elegant, you're like Audrey Hepburn.

Erlich: I hope you own a skimmer because there's a massive turd floating on the surface of your pool.

Big Head: This house has, like, nine bedrooms. You have any idea how scary that gets at night?

Erlich: What are we doing here? Why are we fighting like this? I mean, I'm going to steal your guys, you're gonna steal my guys. We'll both wield the heft of our considerable fortunes until each of us have nearly nothing left. Is that really what you want? Me either. So what do you say we join forces? I'm big enough. Are you, Big Head? Partners?
Big Head: Okay.
Erlich: Attaboy. All right, I'm going to take a spin on that fancy Japanese toilet, and then let's get to work figuring out which one of these bedrooms is going to be my office.

Gavin Belson: Consider the bulldog. A grotesque monstrosity born of relentless inbreeding. Riddled with sinusitis, crippled by joint pain. Chronically flatulent. A kindly pet, or humanity's cruelest mistake? All right, take it away. (The dog is wheeled away) Ladies and gentlemen, just like that horrible creature, the entire Nucleus program was the result of inbreeding. We mated Hooli engineers with Hooli designers in a Hooli kennel. Is it any wonder the result was just as unspeakable as that thing? Bring it back here. (The dog is wheeled back) Look at that hideous face. All right, get it out of here!

Dinesh: And your solution to that was to go into business with him? Big Head? The guy you once called more useless than a bag of dicks without a handle?

Erlich: I have a board meeting, and this board ain't exactly gonna meet itself.

Gavin Belson: Obviously, you don't have your Hooli news alerts up to date. Go to the site. I'll wait.
Richard: Go to the Hooli news website.
Gilfoyle: Okay. It's an ad.
Richard: Um, it's an ad. Hold on.
Gavin Belson: Just wait four seconds, and you can click to skip it.
Richard: Just wait four seconds and then you can click it.
Gilfoyle: No, it's the kind where you have to watch the whole fucking thing.
Richard: It's the whole ad kind.
Gavin Belson: I thought we stopped doing those. Goddamn it.

Gavin Belson: Welcome, men and ladies of Endframe. Rather than incestuously promoting the same faces from within, you represent fresh blood, new ideas. Everything Nucleus was not. It is my honor to personally welcome you all to Hooli.
(speaking quietly)
Naveen: Does he really not remember us? How long did you work at Hooli?
Jason: The last time? Seven years.
Naveen: I was here for nine. He was invited to my wedding.

Erlich: Fuck me sideways.
Laurie Bream: Indeed.

Music

"Stretch Your Face" by Tobacco (Opening title music)

"Wad Alnuba (Captain Planet Remix)" by Alsarah & The Nubatones (Deng's Music)

"Pain" by Pusha T feat. Future (End-credits music.)

Notes and Trivia

The name of the server farm company, and the title of this episode, is "Maleant Data Systems Solutions". A "Male Ant" is also called a "Drone" which is likely a reference to how the workers at this company are seen.

A link to the fictitious "Endframe" (www.endframesystems.com) appeared at the end of the episode.

In the live-stream of the 15 June 2016 SpaceX rocket launch, a narrator used the term "conjoined triangles of success" to descibe the "grid fins" on the rocket booster. (youtube.com)

Goofs

None

Locations

The building that is used for outside shots of the Pied Piper corporate office is actually located at 900 Villa Street, Mountain View, California. (Google)

The house used as Big Head's incubator is located at 1268 Piedra Morada Dr, Pacific Palisades, California. (Google)

Cast

StarringThomas MiddleditchRichard Hendricks
StarringT.J. MillerErlich Bachman
StarringJosh BrenerNelson 'Big Head' Bighetti
StarringMartin StarrBertram Gilfoyle
StarringKumail NanjianiDinesh Chugtai
StarringAmanda CrewMonica
StarringZach WoodsJared Dunn
StarringMatt RossGavin Belson
StarringSuzanne CryerLaurie Bream
StarringJimmy O. YangJian Yang
Guest StarringJill AlexanderPatrice
Guest StarringAly MawjiNaveen Dutt
Guest StarringRogelio RamosRogelio Ramos
Guest StarringBrian TichnellJason
Guest StarringIan AldaMarc
Guest StarringStephen TobolowskyJack Barker
Guest StarringBernard WhiteDenpok (Spiritual Advisor)
Co-StarringKeye ChenDang
Co-StarringTammy DahlstromGloria
Co-StarringRen HanamiLynn
Co-StarringLyn HendersonParking Coordinator
Co-StarringArthur KengAlan
Co-StarringAnna KhajaRachel
Co-StarringCasey O'FarrellPete
Co-StarringJared WernickFred
Co-StarringPing WuHenry