S04E08 - The Keenan Vortex

No: 36  |   Season: 4   Episode: 8  |   Air Date: 11-Jun-2017  

Wow, you really vomited a lot!
Wow, you really vomited a lot!

Summary

An unexpected increase in data traffic leads Richard to turn to Erlich for help in garnering a deal with Keenan Feldspar, Silicon Valley's latest "it" boy--but when Keenan makes a too-good-to-resist offer, Richard must weigh Pied Piper's future against a potential mutiny. Jack faces setbacks while preparing for Hooli-Con.

Director and Writers

Director: Jamie Babbit
Written by: Graham Wagner, Rachele Lynn

Quotes

Gilfoyle: Hey, have you seen Keenan's demo? Reddit is shitting itself over it.
Erlich: Of course I've seen it. I'm his keyman. He gave me one of the first opportunities to shit myself over it.

Erlich: Keenan was born with a golden horseshoe up his ass, while you sit here toiling away in an icebox you call your home office, cursed with the Midas touch of shit.
Richard: I'm not cursed, and the icebox you're referring to is your house, okay?

Dinesh: I walked up a hill, and on top of the hill, there was a tavern. And I walked into the tavern and I could just look everywhere, and there was a barmaid. Guess what. I walked right up to the barmaid, and I just looked at her for a really long time.

Gilfoyle: I'm not one to gush, but the possibilities of your consequence-free reality are darkly promising.

Keenan: Wow. You really vomited a lot... and, like, immediately.

Keenan: You want a beer? I just put in a fresh keg.
Gilfoyle: He put in a fresh keg.

Scott: A semitruck slid right through the door and hit the main breaker panel and melted down the entire facility. The driver was incinerated, instantly.
Jack: I see. Well, our thoughts and prayers, obviously, but we'll still be ready to roll out in time for Hoolicon, right?

Jack: I mean, it's my first Hoolicon as CEO of this company. I... I'm supposed to get up on stage, in front of an audience of thousands, and deliver a keynote presentation built entirely around the release of Box Two! I was going to descend onto the stage, in a giant box. Boom! Jack-in-the-box. Then Mike Tyson and Floyd Mayweather were gonna come out and box over who was gonna get to take home the first new box! These are world-class puns! Now I got nothing!

Richard: Have you been here all weekend?
Gilfoyle: Is that the sushi guy?
Jared: Matching pajamas.
Richard: You guys look like you're in a cult.
Dinesh: Oh, Keenan gets these for free.
Gilfoyle: Yeah, we're not gonna wear the same thing three days straight.

Gilfoyle: The VR is rad now.
Richard: Gilfoyle, "rad"? You are wearing the exact same pajamas as Dinesh, and you're saying "rad" now? You have been sucked entirely into his little... Keenan vortex.
Gilfoyle: Okay. I grant you, with... the benefit of even a second's distance, this isn't a good look.
Dinesh: I don't know. I think we look rad.

Hoover: (referring to Gavin Belson) When he looked at you, you felt like you were the only two people in the world.
Jack: Hoover.
Hoover: Yes, sir.
Jack: Get the fuck out of my office this instant.

Dinesh: Richard, listen, it's like we've been lost at sea for a long time on a tiny boat, and there is no wind. And now, through sheer luck, we've just happen to drift right up to Hawaii. Now, we can continue sailing into the unknown, and probably sink or die of starvation or scurvy,or we can get off in Hawaii. Let's get off in Hawaii.
Richard: What's so good about Hawaii?
Gilfoyle: Have you never been?
Richard: No.
Gilfoyle: It's very nice.

Jared: Richard, you are my captain, and I'm your mate. And I will sleep in the bilge with the vermin, and I will eat hardtack, and I will say, "Thank you." And if duty requires, I will stand on deck, and I will salute you as we sink beneath the waves. But as poor as our odds are, I'm worried that if we turn down this offer, we will lose the rest of our crew, and if that happens, you will lose everything, Richard. Your algorithm.
Richard: So, you're saying that if I say no to this... I risk having a mutiny on my hands.
Jared: Aye, Captain.

Keenan: You and me together, bro? Look how strong this is. Fucking forget about it. We're gonna be fucking cutting class and crushing ass.

Jared: Richard? Are... are we okay?
Richard: Uh, no, Jared, we're... we're not okay. We're fucking rich!

Richard: How am I supposed to tell the guys that I'm taking away their payday? You don't understand. Keenan had us pouring champagne all over each other like a bunch of fucking douchebags.

Dinesh: We thought you were cursed, but maybe it was just your proximity to Erlich. I mean, that dude must've driven a van over a bunch of gypsies in a previous life.

Richard: Well, concrete's still pretty warm from the fire. He should be okay for at least a few more hours.

Richard: Jared, how many people attend Hoolicon?
Jared: About a quarter of a million... over the whole weekend.
Richard: And, Gilfoyle, um, how many more phones do we need to get us off Azure?
Gilfoyle: A hundred and twenty-three thousand, give or take.
Richard: Dinesh, how much are tickets to Hoolicon?
Dinesh: Why would I have that information?

Music

"Problem Child" by Onyx (Plays during the celebration scene)

"Freeze Me" by Death From Above 1979 (End credits music)

Notes and Trivia

Although Josh Brener (Nelson 'Big Head' Bighetti), Chris Diamantopoulos (Russ Hanneman) and Jimmy O. Yang (Jian-Yang) are credited for this episode they did not appear.

Goofs

None

Locations

None

Cast

StarringThomas MiddleditchRichard Hendricks
StarringT.J. MillerErlich Bachman
StarringJosh BrenerNelson 'Big Head' Bighetti
StarringMartin StarrBertram Gilfoyle
StarringKumail NanjianiDinesh Chugtai
StarringAmanda CrewMonica Hall
StarringZach WoodsJared Dunn
StarringMatt RossGavin Belson
StarringSuzanne CryerLaurie Bream
StarringJimmy O. YangJian Yang
StarringStephen TobolowskyJack Barker
StarringChris DiamantopoulosRuss Hanneman
Guest StarringJake BroderDan Melcher
Guest StarringHaley Joel OsmentKeenan Feldspar
Guest StarringChris WilliamsHoover
Guest StarringScott PrendergastScott
Guest StarringRogelio RamosExecutive
Co-starringAmberia AllenCarol