S04E08 - The Keenan Vortex
No: 36 | Season: 4 Episode: 8 | Air Date: 11-Jun-2017
An unexpected increase in data traffic leads Richard to turn to Erlich for help in garnering a deal with Keenan Feldspar, Silicon Valley's latest "it" boy--but when Keenan makes a too-good-to-resist offer, Richard must weigh Pied Piper's future against a potential mutiny. Jack faces setbacks while preparing for Hooli-Con.
Director and Writers
Director: Jamie Babbit
Written by: Graham Wagner, Rachele Lynn
Erlich: Keenan was born with a golden horseshoe up his ass, while you sit here toiling away in an icebox you call your home office, cursed with the Midas touch of shit.
Richard: I'm not cursed, and the icebox you're referring to is your house, okay?
Dinesh: I walked up a hill, and on top of the hill, there was a tavern. And I walked into the tavern and I could just look everywhere, and there was a barmaid. Guess what. I walked right up to the barmaid, and I just looked at her for a really long time.
Scott: A semitruck slid right through the door and hit the main breaker panel and melted down the entire facility. The driver was incinerated, instantly.
Jack: I see. Well, our thoughts and prayers, obviously, but we'll still be ready to roll out in time for Hoolicon, right?
Jack: I mean, it's my first Hoolicon as CEO of this company. I... I'm supposed to get up on stage, in front of an audience of thousands, and deliver a keynote presentation built entirely around the release of Box Two! I was going to descend onto the stage, in a giant box. Boom! Jack-in-the-box. Then Mike Tyson and Floyd Mayweather were gonna come out and box over who was gonna get to take home the first new box! These are world-class puns! Now I got nothing!
Richard: Have you been here all weekend?
Gilfoyle: Is that the sushi guy?
Jared: Matching pajamas.
Richard: You guys look like you're in a cult.
Dinesh: Oh, Keenan gets these for free.
Gilfoyle: Yeah, we're not gonna wear the same thing three days straight.
Gilfoyle: The VR is rad now.
Richard: Gilfoyle, "rad"? You are wearing the exact same pajamas as Dinesh, and you're saying "rad" now? You have been sucked entirely into his little... Keenan vortex.
Gilfoyle: Okay. I grant you, with... the benefit of even a second's distance, this isn't a good look.
Dinesh: I don't know. I think we look rad.
Dinesh: Richard, listen, it's like we've been lost at sea for a long time on a tiny boat, and there is no wind. And now, through sheer luck, we've just happen to drift right up to Hawaii. Now, we can continue sailing into the unknown, and probably sink or die of starvation or scurvy,or we can get off in Hawaii. Let's get off in Hawaii.
Richard: What's so good about Hawaii?
Gilfoyle: Have you never been?
Gilfoyle: It's very nice.
Jared: Richard, you are my captain, and I'm your mate. And I will sleep in the bilge with the vermin, and I will eat hardtack, and I will say, "Thank you." And if duty requires, I will stand on deck, and I will salute you as we sink beneath the waves. But as poor as our odds are, I'm worried that if we turn down this offer, we will lose the rest of our crew, and if that happens, you will lose everything, Richard. Your algorithm.
Richard: So, you're saying that if I say no to this... I risk having a mutiny on my hands.
Jared: Aye, Captain.
Richard: Jared, how many people attend Hoolicon?
Jared: About a quarter of a million... over the whole weekend.
Richard: And, Gilfoyle, um, how many more phones do we need to get us off Azure?
Gilfoyle: A hundred and twenty-three thousand, give or take.
Richard: Dinesh, how much are tickets to Hoolicon?
Dinesh: Why would I have that information?
"Stretch Your Face" by Tobacco (Opening title music)
"Problem Child" by Onyx (Plays during the celebration scene)
"Freeze Me" by Death From Above 1979 (End credits music)
Notes and Trivia
Although Josh Brener (Nelson 'Big Head' Bighetti), Chris Diamantopoulos (Russ Hanneman) and Jimmy O. Yang (Jian-Yang) are credited for this episode they did not appear.
|Starring||Thomas Middleditch||Richard Hendricks|
|Starring||T.J. Miller||Erlich Bachman|
|Starring||Josh Brener||Nelson 'Big Head' Bighetti|
|Starring||Martin Starr||Bertram Gilfoyle|
|Starring||Kumail Nanjiani||Dinesh Chugtai|
|Starring||Amanda Crew||Monica Hall|
|Starring||Zach Woods||Jared Dunn|
|Starring||Matt Ross||Gavin Belson|
|Starring||Suzanne Cryer||Laurie Bream|
|Starring||Jimmy O. Yang||Jian Yang|
|Starring||Stephen Tobolowsky||Jack Barker|
|Starring||Chris Diamantopoulos||Russ Hanneman|
|Guest Starring||Jake Broder||Dan Melcher|
|Guest Starring||Haley Joel Osment||Keenan Feldspar|
|Guest Starring||Chris Williams||Hoover|
|Guest Starring||Scott Prendergast||Scott|
|Guest Starring||Rogelio Ramos||Executive|