S05E06 - Artificial Emotional Intelligence

This went up yesterday. A fake Pied Piper. This is Jian-Yang, not us.

People are pretty upset. Somebody shattered the toilet.

Fortunately, you're the same size as the robot.

What the fuck? If I wanted to see nap pods and climbing walls, I would've stayed home, or gone to fucking Denmark. All I wanna see is people working as hard as they possibly can. That's why we come to China.

Yao, I need you to give me 30% more output. I don't care how you do it. Just a thought, those kids don't look that busy.

Mmm, no, that's way too strong for him.

That was an out-of-body experience. It was like God was coding through me. Time stood still.

Oh, you think you're so clever. You know who else thought it was clever? The hare. Right before it was defeated by the tortoise. I'm the fucking tortoise, Gilfoyle. I'm the fucking tortoise!

Richard, you have an enormous heart. And I don't mean in the same way my deceased friend Gloria did, which the doctors should have really caught because her knuckles were gargantuan.

Sometimes you have to numb yourself. If you wanna work the corner, you can't fall in love every time you turn a trick. That's why you do the oxy.

Ooh, there's a highly rated new dim sum establishment in this neighborhood.

Ariel was apprehended this morning shoplifting machine oil from an auto parts store in Turlock.

Immediately after your departure I consumed two egg whites and a green bean and regained my composure.

Maybe we'll quit, try something else. You like octopus?

I hope that book you're reading is for work. But if you wanna read for fun, you should read Gilfoyle's favorite author, George "Error" Martin.

As your supervisor, I wanted to inform you that there is a first aid kit, but if you need blood, don't go to Gilfoyle 'cause he's type-O. Typo!

Credit card works. I don't ask questions.

He said, "If oil company wants to buy your house, there is oil underneath."

Can we keep it?

Laurie Bream, please. Oh, you bet your fucking ass, I'll hold.

I'm not asking you to cut off his testicles and shove 'em down his throat, shoot him in the back of the head Triad style. I just need you to get this kid's code for me. By whatever means necessary.

It's kind of hard to explain, but... a campfire smells sad and exciting at the same time.

We have so much in common. We discussed our phobias. I told her that I was afraid of being found out as a fraud. And she told me that she's afraid of magnets.

Dude, check it out. I'm a robot.