S06E04 - Maximizing Alphaness

No: 50  |  Season: 6   Episode: 4  |  Air Date: 17-Nov-19  |  Ratings:


Richard's authority is threatened by his former Hooli manager; Monica tries to prove her support of other women; Gavin sets his sights on the literary world.

Director and Writers

Director: Liza Johnson
Written by: Daisy Gardner


Laurie: I'm now using touch as a means to communicate friendship.
Monica: Uh-huh.

Monica: Which is why I wanna do your panel with Susan Wojcicki from YouTube.
Laurie: Well... we do have a lot of funny people. You could add... balance.

Gavin: It's a coming-of-age story about a lost, yet handsome teen growing up one fateful summer in Maine. Now, get that to the publishers. I want the hardback in my hand by tomorrow lunchtime.
Hoover: Sir, it takes a bit longer than that. We have to send it out to publishing houses and then find an editor.
Gavin: Editors are for people who can't write correctly the first time. We'll self-publish.

Gavin: I've left tech for good. Now, I have a chance to do something important. Write a thinly veiled roman ? clef set in a whale-themed B and B.

Richard: I think that we if we had a woman at the helm, it might change the optics, and since you don't really care...
Monica: No, I do care. I care deeply.
Richard: No, you don't. I mean, you literally said, "If a bunch of dumb Marines wanna cheat on their dumb wives, what the f*ck do I care?"
Monica: I don't think I used those exact words.
Richard: I'm pretty sure you did, actually. You texted it to me last night, see?
Monica: No, but...
Richard: And then you also said, "We don't have to smell it. We just have to sell it. As long as those fat fat fatties..."
Monica: Okay. I took an Ambien last night...

Jared: Oh my God. Gwart, do you remember how I-I told you I found my birth father in that militia in the Ozarks, but... then it turned out that guy was a fraud? Well, um, I just went in for some genetic testing to-to confirm my diagnosis of Marfan syndrome, and it turns out that my real parents are alive. And they live in Santa Cruz. And they're still together. What should I do? Should I visit them?

Dinesh: That guy humiliating you was not good for the company. He dominated you like a silverback gorilla. Do you know why the gorillas respected Jane Goodall?
Richard: Jane Goodall studied chimpanzees.
Dinesh: Wrong! It's because she could kick their ass, and they knew it.

Dinesh: This is a video of maximizing alphaness.
Richard: What else happens?
Dinesh: It's just this, then it repeats itself. You just kind of breathe and subconsciously absorb it.

Monica: I am so glad we could do this.
Priyanka: Yeah. What are we doing, exactly?

Tracy: So, it's complicated. You were the clear aggressor in this incident, but you're also the only one who got hurt. You hit him in the forehead, which is the single hardest part of the human body. I would never advocate violence, but when you make a fist, you wanna keep your thumb on the outside.
Richard: Yeah. Uh, I know that now, but at the time, I couldn't remember.
Ron: You did great, Champ, but here's the bottom line. We gotta cool our sh1t down with this guy before he lawyers up and sues us a new hiney-hole. You need to go talk to Ethan and give him a sincere and honest apology. Without admitting any fault or describing what happened in any way.

Gavin: Do I honor my truth as a starving author, or do I return to the world I've scorned? What did Publisher's Weekly say about my book?
Hoover: Publisher's Weekly is a... terrible magazine, sir.
Gavin: Call Maddow.

Dinesh: What did you do to that guy?
Richard: I watched that video.
Dinesh: See? I told you! We're alphas! f*ck yeah! f*ck yeah. Hey, uh, don't show that video to Gilfoyle.

Jared: It's from Gwart. "I'm dissolving my company and taking a job elsewhere. Your employment is terminated. P.S. Those aren't my doll's gloves".


"First Light of the Day" by Geto Boys (End credits music.)

Notes and Trivia

Although Jimmy O. Yang (Jian Yang) and Chris Diamantopoulos (Russ Hanneman) are credited for this episode, they did not appear.

In one scene, where Jared and Big Head are talking, Jon Snow's sword, Longclaw, from "Game of Thrones" is visible in the background.






StarringThomas MiddleditchRichard Hendricks
StarringJosh BrenerNelson 'Big Head' Bighetti
StarringMartin StarrBertram Gilfoyle
StarringKumail NanjianiDinesh Chugtai
StarringAmanda CrewMonica Hall
StarringZach WoodsDonald 'Jared' Dunn
StarringMatt RossGavin Belson
StarringSuzanne CryerLaurie Bream
StarringJimmy O. YangJian Yang
StarringChris DiamantopoulosRuss Hanneman
Guest StarringGeorge BasilEthan
Guest StarringWayne FedermanStu
Guest StarringBen FeldmanRon LaFlamme
Guest StarringHelen HongTracy Robertson
Guest StarringMichele MaikaSusan
Guest StarringAaron SandersHolden
Guest StarringChris WilliamsHoover
Co-StarringAristotle AthirasGabe
Co-StarringNandini BapatGwart
Co-StarringKristin Anne CuriLisa
Co-StarringBianca LopezAllie Abrams
Co-StarringHenry PhillipsJohn Stafford
Co-StarringKrishna SmithaPriyanka Singh
Co-StarringKara SwisherSelf