Laurie - Silicon Valley

Laurie Bream Quotes - Silicon Valley

Laurie Bream quotes from the hit HBO show "Silicon Valley"

S06E04 - Maximizing Alphaness (Laurie Quotes)

Laurie: I'm now using touch as a means to communicate friendship.
Monica: Uh-huh.

S06E02 - Blood Money (Laurie Quotes)

Monica: I thought you moved to China.
Laurie: The interesting thing about moving, Monica, is that you can do it more than once. I am back.

Laurie: With those Chinese out of the way, I can finally be more ruthlessly efficient.

S05E07 - Initial Coin Offering (Laurie Quotes)

Laurie: Monica, you have certain values. And I see no reason you should not work with companies that share them. Similarly, I should work with companies that share my values.
Monica: So, no hard feelings?
Laurie: No feelings at all, Monica.

S05E06 - Artificial Emotional Intelligence (Laurie Quotes)

Laurie: Ariel was apprehended this morning shoplifting machine oil from an auto parts store in Turlock.

Laurie: Immediately after your departure I consumed two egg whites and a green bean and regained my composure.

S05E05 - Facial Recognition (Laurie Quotes)

Emily Chang: Now Jared Dunn, as Pied Piper's COO, what is foremost on your mind as you make this big announcement?
Jared: Me?
Emily Chang: Yes, you, Jared.
Jared: Manure.
Emily Chang: Pardon?
(Theme music plays)

S05E04 - Tech Evangelist (Laurie Quotes)

Laurie: In addition to being business associates, the CEO and I take medically prescribed and supervised MDMA together. I'm taking it for severe post-partum depression. I do not know why he is taking it.

S05E01 - Grow Fast or Die Slow (Laurie Quotes)

Laurie: Sorry I am late.
Richard: Hey, Laurie. Did you, uh...
Laurie: Induce? Yes, this morning and here I am.

S03E09 - Daily Active Users (Laurie Quotes)

Erlich: I love what you've done with the place. It's a really... nicely done place. (points to a picture) Say, is that your dog?
Laurie: It's a dog.
Erlich: You and I have never really had much of a rapport, have we?
Laurie: It's... wanting.

S03E08 - Bachman's Earning's Over-Ride (Laurie Quotes)

Laurie: It was one of my finer moments. Erlich came to me with an outside offer to sell half of his Pied Piper shares.
Richard: To Russ Hanneman for five million dollars. Yes, I know. But somehow you ended up with all of his shares. How?
Laurie: Oh, well, as you know, the same onerous terms you accepted when you took Russ Hanneman's money, they transferred to me when I bought him out. These included the right to block any transfer of stocks with a majority vote of the board. A board which I control.
Richard: I don't understand.
Laurie: Of course you do. If I have approval of any buyer, and I am the only buyer I approve, then I can set my own price. So I asked Mr. Bachman for a thorough accounting of his debts, uh, which ran to approximately $713,000.
Richard: And how much did you give him?
Laurie: $713,000.

S03E04 - Maleant Data Systems Solutions (Laurie Quotes)

Erlich: Fuck me sideways.
Laurie Bream: Indeed.

S03E03 - Meinertzhagen's Haversack (Laurie Quotes)

Laurie Bream: It is a question mark made of human hair harvested apparently from dead people in India. It's a pun. It signifies, at Raviga we ask the big hairy questions.

S02E08 - White Hat/Black Hat (Laurie Quotes)

Erlich: In our initial build we realized that the same geo-tagging technology that could be used to locate uncrowded playgrounds could also be used to prey on children, our greatest natural resource, by one of society's worst elements Pedophiles.
Laurie: The pedophile facing nature of the app would present marketing pain points. Yes.
Erlich: But under Monica's guidance, we realized the same technology could also be used to create a real-time, crowd-sourced map of an even worse segment of the population.
Laurie: Worse than pedophiles?
Erlich: Smokers. Because, let's face it, no one's ever died of secondhand heroin.

S02E02 - Runaway Devaluation (Laurie Quotes)

Laurie Bream: Dress unattractively when you tell them. I read a study. The less sexual interest they feel for you, the less perturbing it will be. It sounds strange, but it's credible. May I suggest the beige ensemble in which you came to work Tuesday?