Russ Hanneman Quotes - Silicon Valley
Russ Hanneman quotes from the hit HBO show "Silicon Valley"
S04E01 - Success Failure (Russ Hanneman Quotes)
Russ: Richard. I can tell, and as much as you want to be, you're not. It's like this. You're trying to date a woman, - but deep down in your heart you know you're gay. Deep in your soul, you know you would rather be plowing a dude!
Richard: I don't... I do... Okay, what dude?
Russ: It could be any dude, as long as you really want to fuck him. It could be a a twink, a bear, an otter, a circuit queen, a chub, a pup, a gipster, a daddy chaser, a leather man, a ladyboy, a Donald Duck.
Russ: Donald Duck's a gay guy who's been kicked out of the Navy.
Richard: H-How do you know so many gay things?
Russ: My grandfather just came out of the closet. Beautiful. Very inspiring.
S03E08 - Bachman's Earning's Over-Ride (Russ Hanneman Quotes)
Russ: What's up, boy genius? You here fucking?
Richard: Huh? No. No, no, no fucking. Just, uh, here for the "Vanity Fair" dinner.
Russ: Oh, yeah, I know that stupid dinner. Bunch of VC douchebags jerking each other off. Speaking of, I got this girl at the bar, I'm trying to take her up to the presidential suite before her fucking bridesmaids ruin the whole thing, but they're telling me it's booked. Who is it? Is it Gore? Fuck that guy.
Richard: Oh, God.
Russ: It's fucking humiliating losing all your money. You think when I dropped below a billion I walked around telling everybody? Fuck no. You guys were the only ones who knew, and I actually thought about having you killed.
Richard: I'm sorry, what?
S02E08 - White Hat/Black Hat (Russ Hanneman Quotes)
Richard: (referring to the McLaren) You got this for me?
Russ: What? No, I It's for me. I bought this for myself to celebrate you guys helping me get back to a billion. That's why I came here, to show it to you. To say thank you. I'm not an asshole.
Dinesh: You drove here with a bow on it?
Russ: No, I put it on after I parked.
S02E07 - Adult Content (Russ Hanneman Quotes)
Russ: "Forbes" has taken me off their billionaire's list. Instead, they'll probably put me on their close-but-no-cigar list, which is ironic because I smoke a fuck ton of cigars. Why the fuck do I buy so many cigars? I remember the second I became a billionaire. I was ass-naked sitting right there (points at the couch where Erlich and Richard are sitting), just clicking and refreshing, clicking and refreshing, watching my stock rise. And when it happened, I popped a rod so fast, I went blind for a full minute. Nutted all over those cushions. (Richard moves the cushion he is sitting on aside)
S02E04 - The Lady (Russ Hanneman Quotes)
S02E03 - Bad Money (Russ Hanneman Quotes)
Russ: Anyway, next thing you know, we IPO, stock triples in a day and AOL gobbles us up. All of a sudden, I'm 22 years young and I'm worth 1.2 billion. Now a couple decades later, I'm worth 1.4. You do the math.
Richard: Okay. Well, that's a gain of $200 million over 20 years. Um, 16.66 repeating. Uh, that's less than 1% return. Inflation is, like, 1.7. I think CDs are 2%. So that's less than a CD.
Russ: (Referring to Jared) I'm just gonna say it. This guy fucks. Am I right? 'Cause I'm looking at the rest of you guys, and this is the guy in the house doing all the fucking. Am I right? You know I'm right. This guy fucks.
Russ: (Referring to Dinesh) Hey, what's up, al-Qaeda? No, I'm totally kidding. I'm diffusing the tension with humor.
Dinesh: What tension? There's tension?
Russ: No, of course not. Seriously, though, no beheadings, all right?