BDinesh - Silicon Valley

Dinesh Quotes - Silicon Valley

Dinesh quotes from the hit HBO show "Silicon Valley"


S03E09 - Daily Active Users (Dinesh Quotes)

Dinesh: Yeah, Pied Piper's sort of what I'm known for, but I'm into a lot of cool stuff. Like, a lot. You seem surprised. I'll give you an example. A few months ago, I'm at my computer, freestyling, just kind of jammin' out, you know, before I knew it I had thrown together the greatest video-chat app the world has ever seen.
Woman: So you invented Skype a few months ago?
Dinesh: Great ideas just sort of flow through me. The platform, you know, it's sort of a group project, but, uh, the video-chat app, that's my solo album.

S03E06 - Bachmanity Insanity (Dinesh Quotes)

Dinesh: That is a good point. Anytime you're near a woman it is important to explain why. Otherwise they get nervous.

Dinesh: Okay, so she's a founder hounder.
Richard: Come on, no, it-- it's not like that.

Elisabet: I can... see you now.
Dinesh: It's me! Pakistani Denzel! Yes!
Elisabet: The Denzel who is from Pakistan...
Dinesh: This video quality is great, right? Looks so sharp. That's what we do here at Pied Piper.
Elisabet: It-- it's very impressive. Um, I will have to tell my boyfriend all about it.

S03E05 - The Empty Chair (Dinesh Quotes)

Dinesh: Look at these fucking maggots. Crawling all over our garbage, leaving their slime of mediocrity.
Gilfoyle: I thought you'd feel right at home in a marketplace, haggling, selling your monkey paws, looking for Indiana Jones in a wicker basket.
Dinesh: Okay. Marion was in the wicker basket, Indiana Jones was tipping them over, you fucking idiot.

S03E04 - Maleant Data Systems Solutions (Dinesh Quotes)

Gilfoyle: I've been writing sub-par code for 48 hours and I want to kill myself. How do you do it every day Dinesh?
Dinesh: I've also been writing bullshit code for 48 hours... and want you to kill yourself.

Dinesh: Just cause making the box sucks doesn't mean we have to suck at making it.

Dinesh: And your solution to that was to go into business with him? Big Head? The guy you once called more useless than a bag of dicks without a handle?

S03E02 - Two in the Box (Dinesh Quotes)

Dinesh: That's funny. You should type up all your racist jokes on your tiny monitor.

S02E10 - Two Days of the Condor (Dinesh Quotes)

Dinesh: This is unbelievable. There are seven thousand people watching this stream, and it's working flawlessly. Rebuffering events are below 0.5%.
Gilfoyle: Even when his sobbing shakes the camera there's no blocking at all. And the quality is great.
Dinesh: More good news. There's a storm coming. There's no way the EMS guys can get up there. This could go on all day.

Dinesh: Buzzfeed linked to us. Now we're picking up on Reddit. This guy falling off a cliff is the first good luck we've had.

Gilfoyle: Two weeks ago, we accidentally erased one-third of Intersite's entire library.
Dinesh: I think we've established our ineptitude beyond a reasonable doubt.

Dinesh: Sooner or later, Gilfoyle's servers are gonna fail, and then it's all done.
Gilfoyle: My servers can handle 10 times the traffic if they weren't busy apologizing for your shit codebase.
Dinesh: Oh, yeah? Well, my codebase could handle this traffic, fuck your mother, make a video of it, upload it, and even that video would not even buffer.

Man: I'm so dehydrated. I'm gonna have to urinate into my water bottle.
Dinesh: This guy's gonna drink his own piss? That's too good. We're gonna fail by succeeding.

Dinesh: Wait, is this a wheat beer? I can't drink this without a lemon.

S02E07 - Adult Content (Dinesh Quotes)

Gilfoyle: Why does it say "sent from my iPhone" at the bottom? You just sent this from your computer.
Dinesh: It's so that I seem like I'm an out-and-about kind of person. I put that in the signature and then in the body, I'll write fun stuff, like, "I'm at the opening of a secret restaurant." Or, "I'm watching 'Jaws' at the pool of an old hotel." You know, keep it fun, vague, mysterious.
Gilfoyle: It is a mystery why you think you'll ever see a woman naked.

Erlich: Who painted that disappointment?
Dinesh: Jaden, age five. I got it from his Montessori school website. He's not online, he's never gonna find out.
Erlich: What?
Dinesh: Crimes against children Really, so easy to get away with.

S02E02 - Runaway Devaluation (Dinesh Quotes)

(To Monica after she informed the guys that Raviga was out)
Dinesh: Well, I'm going to leave this room without saying goodbye to you.
Gilfoyle: I'm sure you can find your way out with one of your two faces.

Dinish: You know what "bro" means in Mandarin? It means "asshole.
- You know what "bro" means in Portuguese? Rapist.
- In Latvian, it roughly translates to "one who beheads the messiah.
- In Finnish, "bro" means a baby's erection.
- In Urdu, "bro" is actually short for "brochtauer" which means a dildo for a man. A man's dildo.
- Fecal eclipse. It loses something in translation. We don't have a word for it. They do. It's "bro.
- You know what "bro" means in Navajo? A really joyful person with mental disabilities.

S01E08 - Optimal Tip-to-Tip Efficiency (Dinesh Quotes)

(After Erlich negotiated to get a suite after being assaulted)
Dinesh: I was just happy you got punched in the face, Erlich, but now I'm super happy.

S01E07 - Proof of Concept (Dinesh Quotes)

Dinesh: She invited me to her room to watch Cloud Atlas later tonight.
Gilfoyle: Oh yeah, that means she wants you to lay her.
Dinesh: Is that definitive?
Richard: I mean, nobody can watch more than like a minute of that film.

S01E06 - Third Party Insourcing (Dinesh Quotes)

Erlich: Are you sure that she didn't ask Gilfoyle for a danish and maybe you misheard her?
Dinesh: You're probably right, she just wanted to fuck a Danish.

Dinesh: I should not have eaten all that Satanist chicken.

Dinesh: I'm much more handsome than you are. No, my face is completely symmetrical. You know what my nickname was when I was a kid?
Erlich: What?
Dinesh: Pakistani Denzel.

Dinesh: To be honest, elements of this arrangement still trouble me. However, I have not had a lot of sexual experiences. So I feel it may be foolish to turn this down. So as long as Gilfoyle is not in the room and I can verify that the door is locked then I have concluded that yes I would love to have sexual relations with you Tara. Yeah.

S01E04 - Fiduciary Duties (Dinesh Quotes)

Dinesh: I half-jokingly said to Gilfoyle last night it looks like Richard's gonna suck Erlich's dick. But that would be reasonable compared to this.

S01E03 - Articles of Incorporation (Dinesh Quotes)

Erlich: What is that atrocity? What are we, an Irish pornography company? I thought we were gonna replace the name "Pied Piper". I thought it was a Place Holder.
Dinesh: "PlaceHolder" would honestly be a better name than Pied Piper.

Dinesh: It looks like a guy sucking a dick, with another dick tucked behind his ear for later. Like a snack dick.

Dinesh: You know "smiler" is also something that guys call women's assholes.

S01E02 - The Cap Table (Dinesh Quotes)

Gilfoyle: Who was this woman that you shook hands with for the first time?
Dinesh: The postman lady.
Gilfoyle: What? A woman that was a man?
Dinesh: Not a post-man lady. A lady who was a post...
Gilfoyle: Let me ask you another question. Who was the second woman you shook hands with?

S01E01 - Minimum Viable Product (Dinesh Quotes)

Richard: It's amazing how the men and women at these things always separate like this.
Dinesh: Yeah, every party in Silicon Valley ends up like a hasidic wedding.