S06E03 - Hooli Smokes

No: 49  |  Season: 6   Episode: 3  |  Air Date: 10-Nov-19  |  Ratings:


The Pied Piper team races to close a major deal; Dinesh considers being a better person; an angry Jared reluctantly helps Richard.

Director and Writers

Director: Liza Johnson
Written by: Sarah Walker


Dinesh: How long can we survive?
Gilfoyole: Well, the Siege of Candia lasted 21 years.
Dinesh: Oh. Well, that's something.
Gilfoyole: It ended in 1669, when the Ottoman soldiers were infected with plague after being attacked with the liquid from the spleens and buboes of the dead.
Dinesh: What's a bubo?
Gilfoyole: Plague-infested lymph nodes.
Dinesh: So, they would, like, scoop them out and throw them at people?

Gilfoyole: Richard, did you just try to punch the wall and miss?
Richard: Nope. I clipped it.

Jared: (to the police) So, until a Richard Hendricks reports an assault, I-I technically can't turn myself in for it?
Police Officer: That is correct.
Jared: And what about a restraining order? Can I-I take one out against myself on his behalf?
Police Officer: No.
Jared: What if I threaten you guys? Just hear me out. Fucking pigs, I-I hope that you get cheated out of your overtime. How about that, dickless?
Police Officer: Maybe you could just try calling the guy?

Jian-Yang: You should not bring them here. Fuck the police.
Jared: Jian-Yang, you're not doing anything illegal here, are you?
Jian-Yang: Yes.

Jian-Yang: Jared is bringing chaos to the house, and chaos is bad for our business.
Big Head: Yeah. What is our business?

Gavin: Want a drink?
Richard: Don't you think it's a little early?
Gavin: It's kombucha with ginseng and lemongrass, Richard. I'm not a fucking hobo.

Dinesh: All I wanted to do was be a golden millionaire. Is that too much to ask?
Gilfoyle: A millionaire that gets peed on? I could see you making half that happen.

Gavin: I was sitting up here feeling totally just impotent, and then you came along and exposed your underbelly, and practically begged me to plunge the knife in! I mean, I still have a deep hole to crawl out of, but this is a fucking great start.

Ron Laflamme: You remember the end of Thelma and Louise? How they drove that car off the cliff? Why? That was a mint '66 T-Bird. They didn't need that car to get over the cliff. Why'd that car have to die?

Jared: (talking about Gwart) She doesn't have your savvy or your ruthlessness, Richard. Hell, she has to wear earplugs on hikes because the forest is too loud.

Gilfoyle: I cracked into Gavin's HooliWatch. Don't ask me how I did it. I've got real-time GPS location, blood pressure, body temperature, heart rate. I can even see where he is in his menstrual cycle.
Monica: Looks like a good day to fuck him.

(Gavin is exhausted)
Hoover: Plan J, sir?
Gavin: Plan J! Jay! You are my spitting image. I'll meet you a quarter mile from the finish line. Go, go, go, go, go!
(cut to Gavin riding in a SUV)
Gavin: I still got it, Hoover.
Hoover: I know you do, sir.
Gavin: As long as Jay doesn't fuck up, I'm gonna beat my personal record.

Dinesh: Gavin, you think you're the most spiteful guy in town, but you're not even the most spiteful guy in this room. The truth is I'm a bad person. How do you think we got the money for this deal? I lied to my cousin's face. He is going to lose $40 million, give or take, plus his estate in Hawaii... I hope.

Dinesh: I was eight years old, I stole my friend Ali's jump rope and tied it to the back of a truck that drove away, and then I told him I had no idea what happened to it. And when he cried himself to sleep, I ate his British candy and told him God took it because he hated him.
Monica: Jesus!


"Comin' Thru" by Chali 2na (End credits music.)

Notes and Trivia

Although Chris Diamantopoulos (Russ Hanneman) is credited for this episode, he did not appear.

Ron compares Richard turning down a billion dollars to the movie "Thelma and Louise" where they drove a car off a cliff.




The location where the impromptu meeting between Gavin and Richard appears to have been shot at the "Stanford Dish", located at 400 Reservoir Rd, Stanford, CA.

The establishing shot of the restaurant exterior for the scene where Gilfoyle and Dinesh talked to Dinesh's cousin was taken at Local Union 271, 271 University Ave, Palo Alto, CA. (Google)


StarringThomas MiddleditchRichard Hendricks
StarringJosh BrenerNelson 'Big Head' Bighetti
StarringMartin StarrBertram Gilfoyle
StarringKumail NanjianiDinesh Chugtai
StarringAmanda CrewMonica Hall
StarringZach WoodsDonald 'Jared' Dunn
StarringMatt RossGavin Belson
StarringSuzanne CryerLaurie Bream
StarringJimmy O. YangJian Yang
StarringChris DiamantopoulosRuss Hanneman
Guest StarringNeil CaseyColin
Guest StarringArturo CastroMaximo Reyes
Guest StarringBen FeldmanRon LaFlamme
Guest StarringBernie KopellLex Skelton
Guest StarringAvi NashWajid
Guest StarringChris WilliamsHoover
Co-StarringNandini BapatGwart
Co-StarringJacob BergerPolice Officer
Co-StarringDavid BickfordVaughn
Co-StarringMatt KohlerJay
Co-StarringLou RichardsLee