BRuss Hanneman - Silicon Valley

Russ Hanneman Quotes - Silicon Valley

Russ Hanneman quotes from the hit HBO show "Silicon Valley"

S06E07 - Exit Event (Russ Hanneman Quotes)

Russ: Is that beer? No, you're not drinking that piss. We drink my piss! Tres Comas!

Russ: I lost so much f*cking money with those guys. I got rat-fucked. That's a pun. I made it all back though. Sweet investment in the hair transplant sector. What?

S06E06 - RussFest (Russ Hanneman Quotes)

Russ: Crazy Town's gonna be there. So is Puddle of Mudd. You know Puddle of Mudd?

Russ: Hologram question. You told AT&T that the hologram would be interactive, right?
Richard: Yes.
Russ: See, asshole? My hologram can 100% dry hump festival-goers from behind. If they ask for it. Hashtag woke.

Richard: Once more people show up, the network effect will take over, and it will stabilize, I promise.
Russ: Do you swear? Because one time, I threw a party and David Copperfield said it was beat. Promise me that this will not be beat.

Russ: Guys, nobody's eating the peyote. Will you eat the peyote, and then that'll break the ice and they'll eat the peyote?

S06E05 - Tethics (Russ Hanneman Quotes)

Russ: You see the chick in the racism car? I banged her in the famine truck.

Richard: What is this?
Russ: It's the trailer for my festival, RussFest. Three days of partying, sucking, and f*cking on a plot of land so far out even Nevada barely wants it.

Russ: It's gonna be like Burning Man, except I'll make a fuckton of money.
Gilfoyle: So, Earning Man?
Russ: I literally love you, you spooky f*ck.

Russ: I heard Belson gaped your a$#hole today and not in that fun way.

Russ: You think the f*ckin' AG is gonna wanna let the public see that he didn't prosecute a guy who did this?
Richard: Oh, my God! Holy f*ck!
Russ: Or this? Or this? Jesus, look at that. f*ck me!
Richard: Hold on, wait... Is that you?
Russ: Yeah. So is this. This. Here's portrait mode. There's a panoramic in here somewhere.

S05E07 - Initial Coin Offering (Russ Hanneman Quotes)

Russ: I was such a fucking pussy when Bitcoin broke, Richard. If I had the balls, I'd have put every penny I had into that shit five years ago, watched it go up, up, up, up, up and then pulled out right before it all came crashing down again. I mean, Jesus, why didn't I do that? Fuck me! But then, it occurred to me: I own 36 fucking companies, Richard. If I make them all ICO, that's 36 bites at the apple. So I did it.
Richard: You... you did 36 ICOs?
Russ: Yup.
Richard: Did they work?
Russ: You know, one of the things being in the three comma club has taught me, Richard, is it's not always about money. Sometimes, it's about wisdom. And did I lose a B? Close to it. Fuck! But I bet I gained two B in wisdom.
Gilfoyle: So you lost it all?
Russ: Ha, ha, Richard, if I didn't love this crazy guy so much, I'd knock his fucking teeth out. Nah, nah, I didn't lose it all. I mean, one of them got shut down by the SEC. On a few, we got scammed. But some of them worked. One of them worked.
Richard: One? One out of 36? Yeah.
Russ: Listen, all the coin I had from the ICO that worked was on a USB thumb drive. And my dumb fucking housekeeper threw out my jeans, 'cause they were ripped. Even though I paid more for the ripped ones. And the thumb drive was in the pocket, so. $300 million in crypto is buried out here, somewhere. But my boys will find it. If they wanna get paid, right?

S04E06 - Customer Service (Russ Hanneman Quotes)

Russ: Fuck you, Richard Hendricks. Fuck you right in your little asshole, and not in the beautiful way, like Grandpa and Pedro.

S04E01 - Success Failure (Russ Hanneman Quotes)

Russ: Richard. I can tell, and as much as you want to be, you're not. It's like this. You're trying to date a woman, - but deep down in your heart you know you're gay. Deep in your soul, you know you would rather be plowing a dude!
Richard: I don't... I do... Okay, what dude?
Russ: It could be any dude, as long as you really want to fuck him. It could be a a twink, a bear, an otter, a circuit queen, a chub, a pup, a gipster, a daddy chaser, a leather man, a ladyboy, a Donald Duck.
Richard: (stammers)
Russ: Donald Duck's a gay guy who's been kicked out of the Navy.
Richard: H-How do you know so many gay things?
Russ: My grandfather just came out of the closet. Beautiful. Very inspiring.

S03E08 - Bachman's Earning's Over-Ride (Russ Hanneman Quotes)

Russ: What's up, boy genius? You here fucking?
Richard: Huh? No. No, no, no fucking. Just, uh, here for the "Vanity Fair" dinner.
Russ: Oh, yeah, I know that stupid dinner. Bunch of VC douchebags jerking each other off. Speaking of, I got this girl at the bar, I'm trying to take her up to the presidential suite before her fucking bridesmaids ruin the whole thing, but they're telling me it's booked. Who is it? Is it Gore? Fuck that guy.
Richard: Oh, God.

Russ: It's fucking humiliating losing all your money. You think when I dropped below a billion I walked around telling everybody? Fuck no. You guys were the only ones who knew, and I actually thought about having you killed.
Richard: I'm sorry, what?

S02E08 - White Hat/Black Hat (Russ Hanneman Quotes)

Richard: Russ, we're at a pretty critical juncture right now, so
Russ: (points at the computer screen) What's that?
Jared: That is pornography, thousands of hours of it.
Russ: Yeah, it is.

Richard: (referring to the McLaren) You got this for me?
Russ: What? No, I It's for me. I bought this for myself to celebrate you guys helping me get back to a billion. That's why I came here, to show it to you. To say thank you. I'm not an asshole.
Dinesh: You drove here with a bow on it?
Russ: No, I put it on after I parked.

S02E07 - Adult Content (Russ Hanneman Quotes)

Russ: "Forbes" has taken me off their billionaire's list. Instead, they'll probably put me on their close-but-no-cigar list, which is ironic because I smoke a fuck ton of cigars. Why the fuck do I buy so many cigars? I remember the second I became a billionaire. I was ass-naked sitting right there (points at the couch where Erlich and Richard are sitting), just clicking and refreshing, clicking and refreshing, watching my stock rise. And when it happened, I popped a rod so fast, I went blind for a full minute. Nutted all over those cushions. (Richard moves the cushion he is sitting on aside)

S02E04 - The Lady (Russ Hanneman Quotes)

Russ: I think we need to talk about getting some shwaaaaaaaaag.
Richard: What?

S02E03 - Bad Money (Russ Hanneman Quotes)

Russ: But I watched your whole TechCrunch thing online, twice. That whole spazz thing you did (moaning, sputtering) That was fucking priceless.

Russ: Anyway, next thing you know, we IPO, stock triples in a day and AOL gobbles us up. All of a sudden, I'm 22 years young and I'm worth 1.2 billion. Now a couple decades later, I'm worth 1.4. You do the math.
Richard: Okay. Well, that's a gain of $200 million over 20 years. Um, 16.66 repeating. Uh, that's less than 1% return. Inflation is, like, 1.7. I think CDs are 2%. So that's less than a CD.

Richard: You're not worried about the lawsuit?
Russ: Shit, no. I got three nannies suing me right now, one of them for no reason.

Russ: (Referring to Jared) I'm just gonna say it. This guy fucks. Am I right? 'Cause I'm looking at the rest of you guys, and this is the guy in the house doing all the fucking. Am I right? You know I'm right. This guy fucks.

Russ: (Referring to Dinesh) Hey, what's up, al-Qaeda? No, I'm totally kidding. I'm diffusing the tension with humor.
Dinesh: What tension? There's tension?
Russ: No, of course not. Seriously, though, no beheadings, all right?

Russ: (Referring to Gilfoyle) I want to know what kind of fucked-up childhood this guy had.

Russ: ROI. ROI. You know what that stands for?
Jared: Uh, return on inv...
Erlich: (interrupting) Return on investment!
Russ: No. Radio on Internet.

Russ: (points at Jared) This guy fucks.
Erlich: You know, Russ, I've been known to fuck myself.

Russ: Synergy, bitches. Know what that means?
Gilfoyle: Does it mean taking a stack of cash and lighting it on fire?