Big Head - Silicon Valley

Big Head Quotes - Silicon Valley

Big Head quotes from the hit HBO show "Silicon Valley"

S06E07 - Exit Event (Big Head Quotes)

Big Head: Jian-Yang won the house from me in a game of chance. He told me to pick a number between one and 10. I picked seven, um, but it was three. Eh, you live, you learn.

Big Head: My name is, uh, Nelson Bighetti, and I'm the President of Stamford. Stanford.
(Cut to speech at convocation)
Big Head: You graduates have a lot of responsibility. Finishing the important work of movements such as... "pound Met double zero", and "title icks".
(Cut to interview)
Documentarian: So, I think I know, but-but why do they call you Big Head?
Big Head: Oh, yeah, just, you know, boys being boys. Making fun of my, my big old dome.
Documentarian: It's not because your last name is Big-hetti?
(Big Head thinks...)

Girl: President Bighetti?
Big Head: Whoa! How did... how'd you know my name?
Girl: I go to Stanford.
Big Head: Oh, no way! I work at Stanford. I'm the president.
Girl: Yeah, I know. What are you doing here?
Big Head: Um, I don't know. I think 'cause Jian-Yang died? I'm not sure.

S06E03 - Hooli Smokes (Big Head Quotes)

Jian-Yang: Jared is bringing chaos to the house, and chaos is bad for our business.
Big Head: Yeah. What is our business?

S05E06 - Artificial Emotional Intelligence (Big Head Quotes)

Bighead: Fiona, what's 12 times 157?
Fiona: Twelve times 157 is 1,884.
Bighead: So cool. Hey, is she right? Hey Siri, what's 12 times 157?
Siri: It's 1,884.
Bighead: Oh, no way!

S05E04 - Tech Evangelist (Big Head Quotes)

Jared: Nice place.
Bighead: Oh, thanks, yeah.
Jared: Oh, wow! That's a nice touch.
Bighead: Yeah, thanks! The Monterey Bay Aquarium was testing their sonar, and found this thing, like, two miles under the ocean. And I figure, Erlich and I already bought it, so I might as well hold onto it. Plus, it weighs like 8,000 pounds, so I couldn't move it if I wanted to.
Jared: Well, and it also kinda works as your mascot. Right? 'Cause of your name?
Bighead: Oh, yeah, 'cause "Nelson".
Jared: Oh, I meant because it's a big head.
Bighead: I guess that works, too.

S04E10 - Server Error (Big Head Quotes)

Richard: Hey, listen, Big Head, do you think I could get your Stanford login so I can access the faculty server array?
Big Head: Oh jeez. Uh, I don't think I can do that, man.
Richard: Sure you can, man. Just click on "Forgot password."

Big head: I'm kinda on super-thin ice with the head of the CS department right now. After Erlich's whole SeeFood thing, Standford started looking into my academic background, realized that I don't really have one, and now I'm on probation, and they've got this real teacher sitting in, watching me.

Big Head: My username is "password" and my password is "password."
Richard: Your username is "password"?
Big Head: It was just easier.

S04E04 - Teambuilding Exercise (Big Head Quotes)

Bighead: I might run out of material soon. We already watched the Facebook movie, A.I., The Net, and half of Tron.
Dinesh: Which Tron?
Bighead: What? No. Tron.
Dinesh: There's two Trons.
Bighead: Oh, shit. That's awesome. It should get me through another week. Thanks.

Big Head: Your phone has technology inside it, so you're double-learning.

S04E03 - Intellectual Property (Big Head Quotes)

Big Head: I actually did some image recognition stuff on Nip Alert, so maybe you could hire me to help on the demo, 'cause my dad's been, like, kinda on me lately to, like, get a job or go to school 'cause... 'cause he's upset that I lost all that money on... on PiperChat. And then also, you helped me lose that 20 million on Bachmanity.
Erlich: Big Head, um... Jian-Yang's culture... he's... Chinese... won't allow him to accept outside help.
Big Head: Oh, right, 'cause of Chinese. Okay, well, that makes sense.

Stanford Admissions Staffer: Wait. Nelson Bighetti. Were you on the cover of WIRED magazine?
Big Head: Yeah, and actually inside, too.

S04E02 - Terms of Service (Big Head Quotes)

Bighead: He asked if he could pitch me, and I said sure, and then he kind of just like kept talking for a while. Oh. You don't think that could've been the pitch, do you?

S04E01 - Success Failure (Big Head Quotes)

Mr. Bighetti: Good night, Brown Bear.
Bighead: Love you, Papa Bear.

S03E10 - The Uptick (Big Head Quotes)

Richard: Not that it matters. I mean, it's all gonna be property of Gavin Belson in an hour, so.
Big Head: That's ironic, huh? No, for real, I'm asking. Is it?
Richard: I don't know. I was just smiling.
Big Head: Feels ironic.

Richard: When's your dad coming to pick you up?
Big Head: Uh, a couple of hours I guess. Then we're turning right around and going back to Phoenix. You know, he said he wants to be able to keep an eye on me and my money and that I need to get a real job to learn the value of a hard day's night or something like that.

S03E07 - To Build a Better Beta (Big Head Quotes)

Big Head: Hey, good news. They said we can each keep one of the cannonballs, so not a total loss, right?

Arthur: Nelson, come on. You can't possibly believe this.
Big Head: Sorry.
Erlich: Don't apologize to him.
Big Head: Oh, right. Sorry.
Erlich: Thank you.

D.A.: I'm sorry to say this is not an uncommon occurrence.
Big Head: Wait, it's not an uncommon...? So then it... Okay, got it.

D.A.: Have either of you been on a jury?
Erlich: No, of course not. I always get out of it. The fines are very reasonable.
Big Head: You don't just throw those things away?

S03E06 - Bachmanity Insanity (Big Head Quotes)

Big Head: That's the thing about the NDA, is that the NDA is actually covered under the NDA. So if I told you about the NDA, it would've been a violation of the NDA.

Business Manager: So, you moved the swimming pool?
Big Head: Yeah, it just felt like it was way too far from the house, like, crazy far. So I had this company come and just move it closer.
Business Manager: Uh-huh. But then you moved it back?
Big Head: Yeah, turns out the guy who built this place knew exactly what he was doing, and the pool was right where it needed to be the whole time. But now I know that for sure, which feels good.

S03E05 - The Empty Chair (Big Head Quotes)

Erlich: Jesus! This is a good apple. Where did you get this?
Big Head: Oh, I have a fruit guy.

S03E04 - Maleant Data Systems Solutions (Big Head Quotes)

Big Head: This house has, like, nine bedrooms. You have any idea how scary that gets at night?

S03E01 - Founder Friendly (Big Head Quotes)

Big Head: Uh... Denpok? Can I have your Big Gulp?

Hooli HR Guy: You will not discuss anything you did at Hooli at all, in perpetuity, throughout the universe.
Big Head: I didn't really do anything at Hooli, so...
Hooli HR Guy: Good. You're getting the hang of it already.

S02E09 - Binding Arbitration (Big Head Quotes)

Big Head: Soon we can sail it to fucking Hawaii or Sausalito. Three more classes, and I get my boat license.
Richard: Oh, really? How many classes does it take?
Big Head: Three. It's three classes. I heard you can pay somebody to take the test for you, but I just haven't got around to it yet.

Lawyer: It seems like everything you touch is made dramatically better, Mr. Bighetti. You make a meaningful and crucial contribution to everything you do, do you not?
Big Head: Wa wait. I'm I'm sorry. Do I not? Are you asking if I do do that or if I don't do that?

Lawyer: And what about the Hooli AIDS and Cancer Societies of which you were president? Did you have anything to do with those?
Big Head: Honestly, not really. I actually remember when they told me I got the AIDS thing, for just a second I thought they were telling me that I had AIDS. But then I realized, no, I was just the president of the AIDS thingy. But for a second it was pretty scary there.

S02E07 - Adult Content (Big Head Quotes)

Big Head: By wearing this standard Hooli ear-bud headphone, modified with a small piezoelectric sensor, the user can control their Hooli phone solely with their neural impulses. Point, click, drag, even type all using only brainwaves. Think it and it happens.
Gavin: Holy shit! Seriously? Seriously. This is great. Fuck, yes, team! So, uh, what's our, um, timeline here? I mean, when do we start testing this? How long before we can integrate this into Nucleus?
Big Head: Not long. It'll probably happen in our lifetime. We just have to figure out how to make it work.

Big Head: Truth be told, we kind of put all our eggs into this basket, but we do have the kick-ass potato cannon, though. Although, actually, this one is broken. We tried to put a Mr. Potato Head in it, and it did not like that.

S01E07 - Proof of Concept (Big Head Quotes)

Big Head: Oh, hey, did I tell you? I'm getting a boat.
Richard: Wow.
Big Head: And a boat guy to take care of it. You have to have a boat guy.
Richard: Oh yeah, you've gotta have a boat guy.

S01E02 - The Cap Table (Big Head Quotes)

Mochachino: Can somebody play something with a beat, please?
Big Head: (nervous) I'll go make a playlist. (leaves)

Jared: Peter Gregory demanded a lean, ruthless business plan. And I don't think that the CEO of Microsoft has a paid best friend.
Big Head: (laughs) Sergey Brin does. Larry doesn't do shit.

S01E01 - Minimum Viable Product (Big Head Quotes)

Big Head: (regarding the mansion they're visiting) Fucking Goolybib, man. Those guys build a mediocre piece of software that might be worth something someday, and now they live here. Money flying all over Silicon Valley but none of it ever seems to hit us.

Richard: (Watching Peter Gregory drive away in a tiny car) That is a narrow car.
Big Head: Fucking billionaires!

(At Hooli Headquarters)
Big Head: Oh God, the marketing team is having another bike meeting. Douchebags.