S04E02 - Terms of Service

No: 30 | Season: 4 Episode: 2 | Air Date: 30-Apr-17 | Ratings: 0.762

Do you think I have too much product in my hair?

Look like a fucking wig to you?

You evict me, I evict your 10 percent.

You can't just wiggle your little tush and expect every VC in the Valley to get hards-on.

Have you seen the new Sports Illustrated swimsuit edition? The cover model has the most lovely, enigmatic facial expression.

What do you mean you were looking at user data? You violated our system? Richard, you were inside us?

Wait is that our lawyer? I thought he was in jail.

21 billion dollars? I mean, how is that even fucking possible?

I mean, I knew Dinesh was going to fuck this all up, but honestly, this couldn't get any better.

Every sound is $16,000. Fuuuuuuck!

I was able to overhear him speaking of his plans to move against you. He even referred to you as "Gavin... Smellson."

I know, in the fable, Pied Piper led all the children into darkness, but now we're doing it.

I was CEO for 11 days, and in that time I violated the rights of 50,000 little girls, exposed them to sexual predators, and racked up fines the size of a small nation's GDP.

So I just traded one year of free rent, full pool privileges, and more room in the crisper for an application that is just eight recipes for octopus?

Summary

Richard butts heads with Dinesh, whose new position goes to his head. Later, Richard discovers interesting data about PiperChat's users. Erlich makes a play to be involved in Jian-Yang's new app; Jared sets ground rules in his friendship with Richard; Gavin's paranoia over Jack's Barker's enthusiasm causes him to make a rash decision.

Director and Writers

Director: Mike Judge
Written by: Clay Tarver

Quotes

Dinesh: When you hip your bosses to our numbers and they get visible hard-ons, have them move quickly. Erlich, you're with me.
(they leave the conference room)
Erlich: It's "hards-on".
Dinesh: What?
Erlich: Hards-on not hard-ons. It's a syntactical error that I could've remedied if you had just given me the space to speak.

Richard: Okay, well, suck a dick.
Dinesh: I'm sorry, what did you say?
Richard: Nice blazer. Thank you. Where'd you get it?
Dinesh: Does it matter?
Richard: I just want to know where I can get one, so I can look like a total fucking douchebag.

Jack: I'm whipping up some proposals right now that are gonna knock that wig right off your head. Yeah. (leaves the room)
Gavin: What the fuck is he up to? (feels his hair) (to Denpok) Look like a fucking wig to you?

Erlich: You can't just wiggle your little tush and expect every VC in the Valley to get hards-on.

Erlich: I am your lead investor, you will respect me as such.
Jian-Yang: I do not respect you. You're not any kind of investor. You own nothing.
Erlich: I own 10 percent. You live in my incubator.
Jian-Yang: No, you evict me, I evict your 10 percent.

Dinesh: Do you think I have too much product in my hair?
Gilfoyle: No, I think you should use more.
Dinesh: Wait. Are you saying that because you think I look ridiculous and you want me to look more ridiculous next time?
Gilfoyle: Which answer will get more of that stuff in your hair?

Dinesh: Oh, it was soaring, Emily... right into a clogged toilet. And not just like a standard clogged toilet. Like, I don't need a plunger. I need a shovel and a bucket.

Jared: Have you seen the new Sports Illustrated swimsuit edition? The cover model has the most lovely, enigmatic facial expression.

Jared: What do you mean you were looking at user data? You violated our system? Richard, you were inside us?

Erlich: Stupid fucking Jian-Yang and his shitty app. I don't even know if it is shitty.

Bighead: He asked if he could pitch me, and I said sure, and then he kind of just like kept talking for a while. Oh. You don't think that could've been the pitch, do you?

Gilfoyle: (pouring champagne) I mean, I knew Dinesh was going to fuck this all up, but honestly, this couldn't get any better.
Gilfoyle: What's with the shirt?
Jared: Oh, he sort of became ill on himself.
Gilfoyle: I was wrong. This just got better.

Jared: I know, in the fable, Pied Piper led all the children into darkness, but now we're doing it.

Denpok: By forgoing Western gadgetry, simply stationing myself in the hall outside of his office, I was able to overhear him speaking of his plans to move against you. He even referred to you as "Gavin... Smellson."

Richard: One time when we were pitching at Ross Loma I threw up in my pants.
Dinesh: Don't you mean on?
Richard: No. No, I mean, I mean in.

Dinesh: I was CEO for 11 days, and in that time I violated the rights of 50,000 little girls, exposed them to sexual predators, and racked up fines the size of a small nation's GDP.

Jared: Could Dinesh really sell the company, knowing it's basically a Sizzler buffet for the sexually deranged?
Erlich: Of course he could. Because even if there is a one percent chance of success and a 99 percent chance of failure and prison, he will do the right thing and get me my money back.

Gavin: I hope you have a good lawyer.
Dinesh: He works at the car wash down the street.

Erlich: This play has to do with the Oculus, right?
Jian-Yang: No.
Erlich: But he said that you said, "Oculus." He said you kept saying it. "Oculus, Oculus, Oculus."
Jian-Yang: Octopus.

Erlich: So I just traded one year of free rent, full pool privileges, and more room in the crisper for an application that is just eight recipes for octopus?
Jian-Yang: Yes.

Thom: Now, who else thinks changing to a HooliChat log-in is hella lame? Madison, Allison, Jennifer, Stephanie, Quinn, Ingrid, Kaylee... Amber, Sarah, Janelle... Carl. Now, Carl... you said the new sign-in page made you nervous. Did anyone else feel nervous?

Music

"Stretch Your Face" by Tobacco (Opening title music)

"Printer Jam" by Mistabishi (Playing in Richard's headphones as he worked in his room.)

"PIMP" by The Bacao Rhythm & Steel Band (Plays when Jared and Dinesh arrive at the car wash)

"Fun House" by Pregnant Boy Feat. OG Swaggerdick & Grip Plyaz (End credits music.)

Notes and Trivia

Note when Jared used his phone to calculate 51,000 estimated underage users, multiplied by 25.6 average chat sessions per user, multiplied by $16,000 per violation, he had to rotate his phone to see the full number.

Although Amanda Crew (Monica), Suzanne Cryer (Laurie Bream) and Chris Diamantopoulos (Russ Hanneman) are credited for this episode, they did not appear. Although Henry Phillips (John) is credited for the episode he only appears briefly in the background of Jack's recorded PiperChat.

Goofs

None

Locations

The scene at the car wash was filmed at Crown Car Wash, 10399 W Pico Blvd, Los Angeles, CA. (Google)

The restaurant scene where Dinesh met with Gavin Belson was filmed at El Compadre, 7408 Sunset Boulevard, Los Angeles, CA. (Google)

Cast

Starring	Thomas Middleditch	Richard Hendricks
Starring	T.J. Miller	Erlich Bachman
Starring	Josh Brener	Nelson 'Big Head' Bighetti
Starring	Martin Starr	Bertram Gilfoyle
Starring	Kumail Nanjiani	Dinesh Chugtai
Starring	Amanda Crew	Monica Hall
Starring	Zach Woods	Jared Dunn
Starring	Matt Ross	Gavin Belson
Starring	Suzanne Cryer	Laurie Bream
Starring	Jimmy O. Yang	Jian Yang
Starring	Stephen Tobolowsky	Jack Barker
Starring	Chris Diamantopoulos	Russ Hanneman
Guest Starring	Sunkrish Bala	Garrett
Guest Starring	Matt McCoy	Pete Monahan
Guest Starring	Bernard White	Denpok (Spiritual Advisor)
Guest Starring	Chris Williams	Hoover
Co-Starring	Andrew Asper	VC
Co-Starring	Allison Bills	Gavin's Assistant
Co-Starring	Cornelius Peter	Thom
Co-Starring	Henry Phillips	John
Co-Starring	Alyssa Gabrielle Rodriguez	Coleman Assistant
Co-Starring	Richard Tanner	Bill
	Emily Chang	Herself (Uncredited)