S01E05 - Signaling Risk

No: 5 | Season: 1 Episode: 5 | Air Date: 4-May-14 | Ratings: 1.82

You see what he's doing right. He's trying to get us to compete so we work faster. He thinks this wall of Psych 101 MBA mind-control bullshit is going to motivate us.

I am not a racist, all right? I watch a lot of black porn. I mean, a lot.

I didn't set it up. I paid one of you people to set it up.

Nelson, shut up for a second. If you can hear me make a gesture.

Our whole corporate culture is that we don't have a corporate culture.

Don't think of it as a cubicle. Just think of it as a neutral colored enclosure about yea-high around your workspace.

He's trying to turn us into corporate rock, Richard. We are punk rock.

I was never enjoying it. I only eat it for the nutrients.

And that gentlemen is SCRUM. Welcome to the next eight weeks of our lives.

I've got a story. Why don't you choke on my balls.

Look at this left from the previous tenant. Unbelievable. I can't believe I didn't enter the garage until this point. I mean, is that marijuanas?

Summary

Erlich hires Chuy, a local street artist, to create a new logo for Pied Piper. However, there is a problem when they discover the logo Chuy has painted on the garage door depicts an Aztec warrior version of Dinesh having sex with the Statue of Liberty. Meanwhile, everyone is surprised to learn that Pied Piper had been accepted into TechCrunch Startup Battlefield; something Richard had applied for before Raviga had invested in the company. When Richard offers to remove his application, Peter Gregory learns that Gavin Belson's "Nucleus" project has also entered, causing Peter Gregory to insist Pied Piper continues on into the competition.

Director and Writers

Director: Alec Berg
Written by: Jessica Gao

Quotes

Erlich: I am not a racist, all right? I watch a lot of black porn. I mean, a lot.
Dinesh: One question. In this porn, is the man black, or the woman black, or are they both?
Erlich: Is one of those racist, and the others aren't?
Gilfoyle: I'll hack his browser history. We'll get to the bottom of this.

Gilfoyle: He's trying to turn us into corporate rock, Richard. We are punk rock.
Dinesh: Actually, you know, I think a better analogy would be jazz. Like we riff and improvise around a central theme to create one cohesive piece of music.

Erlich: Are you fucking serious? Lowercase letters? Twitter, lowercase "t". Google, lowercase "g". Facebook, lowercase "f". Every fucking company in the Valley has lowercase letters. Why? Because it's safe.

Waiter: Are you enjoying your asparagus, sir?
Peter Gregory: I was never enjoying it. I only eat it for the nutrients.

Richard: I didn't turn down ten million dollars because of Peter Gregory, Monica! I turned it down because of you!
Erlich: However angry he is, I am one-tenth as angry. Because one of the ten million would've been mine... because I own ten percent...
Monica: I know.

Jared: And that, gentlemen, is scrum. Welcome to the next eight weeks of our lives.
Gilfoyle: This just became a job.

Erlich: I'm already smiling, do you really have to paint me giving the thumbs-up? It's gratuitous.

Gavin Belson: How are you?
Peter Gregory: Well. And you?
Gavin Belson: Not bad.

Gilfoyle: I just masturbated to heighten my focus. I have a 15-minute refractory period.

(After Richard opens the garage door)
Erlich: No, no, no! Close it! Look at this left from the previous tenant. Unbelievable. I can't believe I didn't enter the garage until this point. I mean, is that marijuanas?

Gavin Belson: Fuck you, the audio's still working! Audio worked a hundred fucking years ago, you fucking piece of shit!

Erlich: So, I'm trying to be vulnerable in front of you. I don't know. Is this a safe place?
Chuy: Look, you can be vulnerable ese, but this ain't a safe place. A plumber got stabbed just last week, right where you're standing.
Erlich: What?! Jesus Christ! What Why would you stab a plumber?

Monica: It's Chuy Ramirez? I'm impressed. He sold a mural today for a half-million bucks.
Erlich: It wasn't on a garage door, was it?

Richard: Doesn't Peter Gregory want what's best for the company?
Monica: Look, I'm going to be straight with you. Peter Gregory doesn't care.
Richard: About?
Monica: You.
Erlich: Wait. Just him, or both of us?
Monica: Any of you; Pied Piper.
Richard: Okay, uhh, then why did he back us? Just to piss off Gavin Belson? He spent $200,000 to piss of Gavin Belson?
Monica: Yeah, that's nothing. Peter would spend millions just to mildly annoy Gavin. These are billionaires, Richard. Annoying each other means more to them than we'll make in a lifetime.
Richard: I see. And you conveniently forgot to mention any of this when you were convincing me to turn down 10 million dollars. And now I'm in the middle of some pissing contest between two billionaires?
Monica: In fairness, Gavin only offered the $10 million because we started pursuing you.
Richard: Yes, but he offered it to me, Monica. He offered 10 million dollars! And I didn't take it because you came to me when I was puking and freaking out and told me that Peter Gregory believed in me, when in reality, he didn't give a flying fuck!
Monica: Richard...
Richard: I didn't turn down 10 million dollars because of Peter Gregory, Monica. I turned it down because of you!
(Richard walks out)
Erlich: However angry he is, I am one tenth as angry. Because one of the 10 million would have been mine, because I own 10%...
Monica: I know.
Erlich: ...of Pied Piper.
Monica: I know!

Music

"Todo Mi Vida" by Pueblo Cafe (Opening title music.)

"Nuevos Tiempos" by Pueblo Cafe (Episode cold-opening music. Also, end-credits music.)

Notes and Trivia

This is the last episode featuring Christopher Evan Welch (d.2 Dec 13). He remains listed in the credits of the remaining three episodes of the first season, and the show's first season finale is dedicated to his memory.

The storyline where Erlich enlists a street artist to paint a mural is taken from the real-life story of David Choe, a street artist who painted murals inside Facebook's offices in exchange for stock.

When Jared introduces the "SCRUM" board, there is one post-it note under "Emergency". It reads "Kush for Erlich".

According to the DVD commentary, the tele-human tube was computer generated. Apparently, if a real glass tube was used it would have been difficult to hide the reflections of production lights and cameras. Incidentally, the original plan was to use a Segway with a screen, however after "The Big Bang Theory" did something similar with the "Shelbot" they changed the plan.

The line Peter Gregory uses when the waiter asks him about the asparagus, "I was never enjoying it. I was only eating it for the nutrients," is something series creator Mike Judge once said to a waiter.

Watch Peter Gregory's wave goodbye after he meets Gavin Belson at the restaurant. It's hilarious.

In the scene where Erlich returns the door to Chuy, the extras in the background are the son and friends of the actor Anthony 'Citric' Campos (Chuy).

According to the DVD commentary, the two versions of the garage door were given to actors Kumail Nanjiani and T.J. Miller.

Goofs

None

Locations