S04E09 - Hooli-Con

No: 37  |  Season: 4   Episode: 9  |  Air Date: 18-Jun-2017  |  Ratings: 0.84


While Erlich goes on a trip to get his mojo back, the Pied Piper guys take to Hooli-Con to pull off a stealth operation. There, an ethically challenged Jared tries to keep himself in the dark, Gilfoyle and Dinesh get distracted by Keenan and Richard's obsession with an ex's new beau leads him to put their whole plan in jeopardy.

Director and Writers

Director: Mike Judge
Written by: Chris Provenzano


Richard: Think of it more as, um, forced adoption through aggressive guerrilla marketing.
Jared: Well, as a product of forced adoption, I can assure you there are consequences.

Dinesh: Even if we get our code into that app and onto all those phones, people are just gonna delete the app as soon as the conference is over.
Richard: People don't delete apps. I'm telling you. Get your phones out right now. Uh, Hipstamatic. Vine, may she rest in peace.
Jared: NipAlert?
Gilfoyle: McCain/Palin.

Dinesh: It's so great to see you, Mia.
Mia: How's Pakistan?
Dinesh: It's so great. I was there for a while, and as I said before, I have to go back there right after this for an extended period of time. Anyway, how's all this stuff going? You must be, like, dying of boredom.

Mia: There's a computer in the library that's not supervised on Sundays. I think if I can pull library duty, I'll be able to sneak on and track down whoever ratted me out. I am going to destroy that motherfucker.
Dinesh: Not if I destroy him first.
(Dinesh leaves)
Dinesh: (to the prison guard) Excuse me. What's your policy on anonymous tips?

Dinesh: You're not seriously thinking of going to Tibet?
Gilfoyle: You're broke. How the fuck are you gonna pay for that?
Erlich: That's where you come in, my great friends. I figured we might pass the hat? Just give whatever you are comfortable with.
Jian-Yang: I'll pay for it, whatever it costs.
Erlich: Well, it seems the smallest of us has the biggest heart. Thank you, young Jinathon. Business class?
Jian-Yang: Premium economy. You fly one way.
Dinesh: Don't you need a visa to go to China?
Jian-Yang: Yes. I can call my uncle in Beijing. He's very corrupt.
Erlich: That sounded... ominous, but, gents, it's as I was saying: Where there's a will, there's a way... just not for you guys.

Erlich: Every time we've gotten a whiff of success, a giant pelican by the name of Fate takes a four-and-a-half- pound shit right on top of us.

Richard: You're always telling me how you spent your entire childhood pretending that everything going on around you was okay.
Jared: Uncle Jerry's game.
Richard: Yeah, that. Let's play Uncle Jerry's game.

Erlich: Last night, when I was sitting out there by the smoldering husk of my palapa, so cruelly taken away from me...
Dinesh: You burned it down yourself.

Erlich: Well, now, gentlemen, this is it. Goodbye. Obviously, I don't care to make a big deal out of it, so I think it's sufficient just to go around and each of you say a memory or two of times where I've profoundly impacted your life. (silence) It doesn't have to be a profound impact.
Jian-Yang: We're leaving now.
Erlich: What?
Jian-Yang: International flight. Four hours early.
Erlich: No, international flights are three hours early.
Jian-Yang: It's a new rule.

Jared: Gavin Belson started out with lofty goals too, but he just kept excusing immoral behavior just like this, until one day all that was left was a sad man with funny shoes... Disgraced, friendless, and engorged with the blood of a youthful charlatan.

Gilfoyle: It would make me very happy to pour boiling metal down Keenan Feldspar's asshole.
Dinesh: How would that even work?
Gilfoyle: Flip and pour.
Dinesh: He's gonna run, and then you're slowly chasing him, trying to not spill your vat of boiling metal. You're gonna look like a fucking idiot.

Richard: That whole spaces-tab thing was...
Winnie: Kind of petty?
Richard: Petty? No, I was gonna say "illustrative of our vast differences."

Richard: Are you playing PeaceFare?
Jared: Yeah. I just gave an orphan her first calculator.

Winnie: That's his booth right there.
Richard: Oh wow. He's got a big one... I mean the booth. But, um, boyfriend, uh-oh. Awkward.
Winnie: Why?
Richard: Nothing. It's not. It's actually... it's cool. Totally cool. Cool beans. Beans, beans, magical fruit. The more you eat, the more you...
Winnie: Toot?
Richard: Toot.

Erlich: You know, Jian-Yang, the silence in the car gave me some time to think about the fact that our differences...
(Jian-Yang throws Erlich's bag to the curb)
Erlich: Jesus! Sorry. Jian-Yang!

Jared: Oh! Here he comes, folks. Oh, thanks. Richard Hendricks, the Monet of compressionism.

Richard: Okay, I have an idea. So, I've got one Pineapple left. Now, I've rigged some batteries on top of it, because we're gonna have to go mobile.
Dinesh: Oh.
Richard: We have to try. Okay, I'm going to put this in your backpack.
Dinesh: Oh no.
Richard: No, it's fine.
Dinesh: I don't want it. I don't want it.
Richard: Dinesh, it's fine. And you, you're gonna hold this kill switch, and then you're gonna walk into the most densely populated area you can find. All right? If you see the security coming, remember, you press that button and, poof, you're gone.
Dinesh: I'll get as many of those motherfuckers as I can.
Richard: We'll be rewarded in the end.

Gilfoyle: What did you change it to, Richard?
Richard: What?
Gilfoyle: Joel's screensaver.
Richard: It doesn't matter now.
Gilfoyle: No?
Richard: PoopFare.
Dinesh: I'm sorry. PoopFare?
Richard: Yeah, it was, like, a play on the name.
Dinesh: Is it a play on the name? PissFare would be way better.
Gilfoyle: Or PenisFare.
Dinesh: Or PeaceFart. That's just changing one letter.

Jared: You sacrificed... everything that we've worked for... for PoopFare? How was PoopFare... for the greater good?

Jack: Come on, give it up! I love this company! And how about you? And how about Jamiroquai?


"Stretch Your Face" by Tobacco (Opening title music)

"BLOWN" by Darnell Williams (Starts to plays when the tactical response team arrives after locating the first pineapple.)

"Passports" by Hudson Mohawke Feat. Remy Banks (End credits music)

Notes and Trivia

Although Josh Brener (Nelson 'Big Head' Bighetti), Chris Diamantopoulos (Russ Hanneman), Amanda Crew (Monica Hall) and Suzanne Cryer (Laurie Bream) are credited for this episode they did not appear.




Some of the Hooli-Con scenes were filmed at "Dreamforce 2016" which was held at Moscone Center, 747 Howard St, San Francisco, CA.


StarringThomas MiddleditchRichard Hendricks
StarringT.J. MillerErlich Bachman
StarringJosh BrenerNelson 'Big Head' Bighetti
StarringMartin StarrBertram Gilfoyle
StarringKumail NanjianiDinesh Chugtai
StarringAmanda CrewMonica Hall
StarringZach WoodsJared Dunn
StarringMatt RossGavin Belson
StarringSuzanne CryerLaurie Bream
StarringJimmy O. YangJian Yang
StarringStephen TobolowskyJack Barker
StarringChris DiamantopoulosRuss Hanneman
Guest StarringFlula BorgJoel
Guest StarringBridey ElliottWinnie
Guest StarringC.S. LeeMonk
Guest StarringPhoebe NeidhardtMia
Guest StarringHaley Joel OsmentKeenan Feldspar
Guest StarringKaran SoniTenley
Guest StarringChris WilliamsHoover
Co-starringMichael Christian AlexanderPrison Guard
Co-starringDanilo Di JulioHooli Security